My unexpected Artist Date and TWO Exciting New Ventures

last night through this morning i had an artist's date with myself. i spent some solo time with me doing just...things...and taking the time to just let my mind wander.

both last night and today, i had requested off of work because of a business meeting and film shoot that were originally scheduled. both were cancelled however, so i had an unexpected evening and day open...

there were many social options i could have taken up to fill my time...way too many actually...but i listened to what i really needed, and took some time to myself.

last night, i spent my time organizing, watching a little snippet of a movie, ate brie cheese and just doddled, and though late to bed, slept beautifully. this morning i took myself out to Casbah Cafe...my favorite local coffee shop...to read a couple articles i'd had in my possession for literally years. one of the articles was from my high school acting teacher and was advice for preparing a good audition monologue (helpful to read even now), and the other, i think was from my college acting teacher, Cindy Gold, and was a chapter from a how-to-nurture-your-inner-artist type book. THIS particular article was a gem beyond gems. because of this article i'm about to embark on a 12 week experimental "creativity" course.

the course will include DAILY MORNING PAGES, a WEEKLY ARTIST DATE, and the more general (but no less important) commitment to self-care (adequate sleep, diet, exercise, and pampering?) and Fulfillment of each week's tasks for the duration of the course.

Daily Morning Pages are "brain drain"...3 pages of the absolutely unedited ramblings i will write every morning. even when merely journaling, i have a very loud "no that's not witty enough"..."oh you should re-write that sentence in case someone ever reads this journal" ..."i can't believe how shallow you are" voice that prohibits me from complete free form thoughts...a similar voice invades my acting and everyday life. however, this voice is not allowed in morning pages...the pages are to be WHATEVER comes to one's mind. the author of the article/book says "nothing is too petty, too silly, too stupid to be included...the morning pages are not supposed to sound smart." she even says not to read your own morning pages for the first 8 weeks or so. so though these pages may occasionally include some deeper insights, it is likely that the entries will often be fragmented, self-pitying, repetitive, angry, bland, etc. Morning pages appeals to me because by beginning my day cataloguing the worries, big ideas, fears, etc that would invade my thoughts and abilities to focus throughout the day...the fears that would get in my way of accomplishing what i want out of the day/relationships/life...i tackle them or explore them without censoring in the morning...making them real, and diminishing their power because now all they are are words on a page. The author says "The morning pages are the primary tool of creative recovery...your Censor's negative opinions are not the truth. By spilling out of bed and straight onto the page every morning, you learn to evade the Censor." Awaken right brain...awaken, explore, play, yay!

because I want to go hiking before the sun goes down and parking becomes illegal on the hiking hill, here is a quick snippet of what the WEEKLY ARTIST DATE entails:

"An artist date is a block of time (weekly), especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness, your inner artist." Preplanned time to do an activity...see something new...hike a hill...make a new dish...go to an art gallery...get lost driving somewhere (but have a gps to get yourself home)...etc. With new sights and feelings and experiences comes insight is the idea.

So looking forward to this. It was unbelievable after how doing my 3 page morning page, and spending a little time with myself brought me peace of mind, energy, and focus to read a book i would have certainly been too distracted to read if i hadn't let myself just ramble for 3 pages or had taken a good chunk of time to myself over the last day.

the above is ONE venture...the OTHER venture is that I am watching a movie/tv show every day or every other day...or perhaps i should say, 4 a week. This is to aid me in my actor's research...to see movies with actors i can learn from, genres to be familiar with, influential directors, shows that are or were popular.

This week I'm watching:
Julia (1977) - with Jane Fonda, Vanessa Redgrave, Meryl Streep
Being John Malkovich
Bananas (Woody Allen)
Rescue Me (TV)
Before Sunrise (romance, but with a crazy lead character who i've been told is "me")

sweet!

much love...off to hike!

~J

Loving the Place I Live...and Taking Comfort in the Journey

the title speaks for itself.

write more later!

Dance Aftershock Poetic Dribble

Dance classes intimidate me. I am most vulnerable when in a dance studio because when growing up, the dance studio I attended is where I felt my most shy and left out. I perceived all the girls in class as extroverts (which I was not at that age), and felt intimidated by their domineering personalities. I was self-conscious and trapped in a shyness blanket at every class that was only dropped at the recital we'd have each year. But because rhythm was natural for me and movement was something that my body could do, I never completely dreaded class knowing that there'd be some point during it where I'd feel good about my abilities and pleased about learning something new.

So anywho, though I've grown leaps and bounds in my skills and confidence, and continue to participate in dance culture and to be inspired by it, I still have a little protective shell over my body when in a dance studio.

However, since being in LA I feel so much more able to embrace and feed all my creative "bits" i'll call them. LA...though parts of the city, the people and industry may seem superficial and driven by selfish desires...is truly the world's haven for artists...where words like "energy" and "aura" are spoken of with frankness because here in this city, we recognize the "something" that connects us all to one another and allows us to "feel" one another.

I truly felt that "something" when dancing on Monday in a Hip Hop class taught by the inspirational Leslie Scott...an uber bubbly, friendly, firefly and caring instructor. It was my first class with her and I was blown away. It was she who recommended that Anyone, if they had the chance, should take a class from Gina Starbuck.

So on Wednesday, I took a class from Gina Starbuck. She was substituting MODERN FUSION at The Edge dance studio. I had never taken this class before and as always felt a little scared before entering because of...well you know...and because I have no background in modern dance and a completely juvenile background in technique compared to the majority of the dancers at this studio. Though the class proved difficult, and at times I was frustrated with my lacking qualities, I was able to embrace what I COULD do because Gina, like Leslie, was all about embracing feeling and emotion and to trust that the choreo would come through that. By the end of class, I was feeling really positive and so enjoyed seeing the other wonderful dancers perform as we did the combo we learned in groups.

But at the end of class was when I truly was touched. She told us to pair up with a partner and to be present with them. My partner and I gravitated towards one another and I'd like to think it's because we were both shy and felt some kinship. She was an older woman, probably in her 30s. We didn't talk. She was sweet and meek and we just looked at one another and bobbed naturally to the song Gina played. We had a similar nature. Then Gina told us all to go to the mirror and look at ourselves. The combination of the freeing experience that the dance combo allowed me to have, the partner activity, the song, the lights being dim, and the sheer beauty and thoughtfulness and talent and energy that was in the room caused me to cry.

How cathartic.

When I got home I dribbled something out that could be poetry...could be a song...could be a spoken word bit some day...could be many a thing. I kinda like it.

Looked in the mirror and cried today
Looked at you...a stranger...
and you were me, 20 years later.

Still an old soul
Still meek and humble
sparkly eyed.

How uncomfortable it was to stare
but we fought through.

We must fight through
to feel
to know
to feel you...know you.

You were me, 20 years later.

Reach for the sky
Humble yourself daily
Cry a tear for...
You...are so beautiful.
Cry a tear for the beauty.

Daily Aspiration...inspired by a Yogi Tea quote :)

Provide yourself with the

Time and Energy

You need to live out your Dreams.

And...

Honor the time you give yourself

as you honor

a commitment to a Friend.